By the summer of 2018, Jared, age 18, had resigned himself to a future in the shadows. Police had told him there was nothing they could do to help him, and the ex-girlfriend who was harassing him probably was never going to desist. They advised him to keep a low social profile and not publish information on social media about where he was going to school or his employment details.
The one good piece of good news was that they had closed their investigation into false accusations of sexual assault that his ex had reported to police in late 2017.
Jared had been in a rocky relationship with Kate for three years. (Both names are pseudonyms, but the details contained in this account are real.) He was a rising music star in a large western American city, having performed professionally with local bands since he was 14. She was a groupie, several years older. They had fought often. But every time Jared tried to end the relationship, Kate had threatened suicide or other forms of self-harm.
Despite the conflict, there had been good times as well. This was one of the issues Jared struggled with: The person now destroying his life was someone he’d once loved.
Jared’s lawyers were able to debunk the assault accusations using information that Kate herself had provided in a lengthy video message and emails. Unfortunately, dealing with the libellous claims that Kate was making on social media proved more complicated. Jared’s lawyer sent a cease-and-desist letter, but the cost of actually proceeding with a defamation suit was prohibitively high.
Jared had contacted me in June, 2018, because I operate a Canadian-based non-profit entity called The Lighthouse Project that helps the falsely accused. I’m not a lawyer. But for several years now, I’ve helped people through other means, as described in a 2018 Quillette article I wrote about a case in British Columbia.
Jared lives in a large urban area. But as in most places, the music community there is a fishbowl. Everyone Jared worked with had heard of the accusations. In 2017, the band he was playing with had just started to take off, but suddenly venues were cancelling gigs after online campaigns were launched to de-platform “the rapist.”
The band mostly stuck by Jared and refused to fire him. As a result, the other members found themselves under attack as well. Accusations of misogyny rained down on them, even when they announced on social media that the police investigation had been closed.
Kate started diarizing her calls to police officers and posting the details online. She insisted the case was still open. In reality, Kate was making sporadic phone calls to police, claiming she had a witness or new evidence to present, but then failed to follow through. The police reportedly became annoyed, after officers realized that they were being used as part of a character-assassination campaign.
Jared sent me the electronic paper trail so that I could get a better sense of who Kate was, and what had happened between them. As a layperson, my first impression was that this must be some form of criminal harassment. At the very least, the woman was acting in a strange and toxic way. One of the emails she’d sent Jared, begging him to stay friends “with benefits,” had been composed the same day that Kate and a new boyfriend had posted on Facebook that they were an official couple. While Kate’s boyfriend was busy posting pictures of himself with his new girlfriend, Kate wrote Jared saying, “i didn’t have any true feelings for him” and “i always made it clear to him that my feelings for you had not faded and probably wouldn’t.”
In a 45-minute video, Kate admitted she knew Jared was afraid of her behaviour. She told him that at club venues, “you don’t have to be scared to turn the corner and face me anymore.” In one of the emails, Kate warned, “my hands are shaking. please don’t replace me. with anyone…i am scared that this has had no big effect on you. that you are fine, not thinking about me, and getting a good nights sleep. i can’t go a second without thinking about you.” When none of these messages elicited a response from Jared, she went online and started calling Jared an abuser.
It seems to have been a cry for attention: With every escalation, she apparently hoped for a call or a message from Jared in response. And then finally, in December, 2017, Kate took her story to the police.
Before going this route, Kate had kept telling Jared she was a new person and that she couldn’t let go until he saw the new version of herself. She wrote: “sometimes i’m so confused as to why you can’t see the positive that i do. the trust and love and strong future i felt. i will never be sure how to make you see it or feel it, but god knows i would die trying.” Kate was convinced that if Jared would just meet with her in person, she could show him how much she had changed. She’d apparently had an epiphany, and resolved the personality issues that had destroyed their relationship. She also said she was going to go to therapy and had started looking at enrolling in college, steps that Jared had encouraged throughout their relationship. While Jared was committed to completing his education, Kate spent a lot of time following her favourite bands on the road.
A transcriptionist who volunteers for Lighthouse created a transcript of Kate’s lengthy video, and helped prepare it for presentation to the police. I told Jared that he’d have more luck getting a protection order from a judge if a police officer supported his application.
It’s rare for police to take any action against a woman who claims that she was sexually assaulted, even when there is evidence that she is lying. But after reviewing the information and evidence we’d compiled, the case officer said she would send it on to a prosecutor to determine if charges were warranted. During the summer, a month after I’d first spoke with Jared, he was informed that stalking charges were being laid against Kate.
A week later, Kate surrendered herself to police and spent a night in jail waiting for a bail hearing. When she was brought into court wearing handcuffs and an orange jumpsuit, Jared was there in the room. It was the first time he had seen her since the nightmare had begun.
Part of him was excited. This was the first time his own victim status was being publicly recognized. And a protection order would give him some ability to insulate himself from online libel, and show music promoters that it was safe to hire him again. Criminal charges against Kate would provide some further measure of relief, even if they had not yet been proven. I told him how rare it was to achieve that outcome.
Though Kate was older than Jared, she was still a very young adult. She obviously needed some kind of therapy, and jail is not a good place for people with mental illness. The ultimate goal, I told Jared, should be rehabilitation and an apology.
In court, things did not go smoothly. Just outside the courtroom door, Kate started shaking and yelling that she couldn’t go through with the process. Her knees apparently gave out and she fell to the floor, struggling with guards and trying to stop them from bringing her through the doorway. A night in jail for a 21-year-old woman struggling with what I presume to be some kind of mental illness must have been a difficult experience. Compounding her anxiety, presumably, was the fact that her much-anticipated face-to-face with Jared would now be taking place under circumstances that would only compound his negative impressions.
Kate’s new boyfriend, still oblivious to the emails Kate had sent to Jared, sat stoically and supportively next to her parents. Kate had described him as her emotional rock. He seemed keen to continue on in that role. Jared had always had the option of sending Kate’s emails and video to this new boyfriend (or even making them public). But the goal had never been to humiliate her. Jared simply wanted the harassment to stop.
When Kate regained some composure and the proceedings began, the judge had some harsh words for Kate, as well as a few for her parents. But she was out on bail the same day, and apparently was intent on fighting the protection order the judge had handed down.
A few weeks later, however, Jared found out that Kate was looking for a plea deal. This came as a big relief. Jared’s focus was now figuring out how to repair the reputational harm that Kate already had inflicted. A plea deal would allow him to start fixing the damage sooner.
The prosecutor asked Jared to write a victim-impact statement, as well as document the financial damages he’d incurred as a result of Kate’s actions. Of course, some of those damages were lost opportunities that could not be calculated: How do you estimate the money you lost because the phone didn’t ring? The only clear number he had was printed on a legal bill from his lawyer, an amount deemed too large for a restitution order.
In November, as part of the plea deal and subsequent sentencing, Kate was granted access to a “diversion program.” If she complied with all of the imposed conditions, including mandatory therapy, her criminal record would be expunged.
In discussions about restoring Kate’s access to social media (which she’d been barred from under the protection order), Jared considered asking Kate to apologize on every media platform on which she’d posted the initial allegations. He wanted her to admit that she’d made up false allegations, and to state clearly that he had never assaulted her. But the final order merely dictated that she would have to produce a personal apology letter to Jared.
Things did start improving for Jared, though. On November 27, he sent an email informing me that he’d run into one of the musicians who’d sided with Kate. “A few months ago, he was very outspoken on the matter and attempted to rally musicians against me so that I never would play locally again,” Jared reported. “He stopped me and offered me an apology. He had learned of her arrest. We have corresponded since and I told him the real story. I do realize that there is more work to do here but there are a few key people I think I can now reach that will listen to my story.”
Jared has been able to perform again, and has been touring extensively in recent months. He’s doing well in school, getting good grades and keeping busy—but still hasn’t been able to put it all behind him. “I am not sharing that much about what I am doing these days on social media out of fear,” he tells me. “I still feel I need to live under the radar.”
As for Kate, she’s now back online. And it seems the first thing she posted on Facebook was a veiled claim to the effect that she had been telling the truth all along. But she hasn’t said anything more about Jared, and it isn’t clear whether she’s still obsessed with him.
One of the reasons I have not identified “Kate” is that the purpose of a diversion program is to let people rebuild their lives and become productive citizens again. “Jared” doesn’t want his name publicized, either. There are many who will still believe the lies told about him.
What haunts Jared is the sense that this could happen again—to him, or anyone. The couple had fights, as all couples do, but he’d always tried to be a good partner. He’d cried when she showed him the marks on her body from self-harm after he’d broken up with her in the past. That’s one of the reasons he’d kept taking her back. She clearly knew how to play on his emotions, and became frustrated when her old tactics didn’t work. That’s when she went too far.
This sort of destructive cycle has been playing out in many relationships since time immemorial. It’s a form of interpersonal dysfunction that can ruin lives in a way that, in most cases, the law is powerless to stop. The best that police and prosecutors can do is recognize that these patterns sometimes can drive people to target, and lie about, the people they love.
And when that happens, authorities cannot let the politics of #MeToo, or any other political movement, interfere with their mandate. In this regard, Jared’s case presents an example of police and prosecutors getting things right.
Diana Davison is the founder of the Lighthouse Project. Follow her on Twitter @d2davison.
Rape apologist!
I assume this is sarcasm, but it is so hard to tell anymore.
Canada has institutionalized so many privileges for women in the criminal justice system, it’s so sick. And feminist legal activists in Canada continue to press for special rules of evidence and even more limits on defense – unlike those for any other class of crime – to slant the field in favor of women.
See where the gravity is here? Any man doing 1/100 of what this insane bitch did would have had charges and an order of protection against him in a flash. He might even be denied bond, depending on how dangerous he seemed to the judge.
Amazingly, the plea agreement doesn’t go far enough in rehabbing the kids reputation. Why on earth wasn’t she compelled to apologize profusely and directly for lying and sharing the facts with everyone she lied to him about? Seems the least “restorative” act she could take. But I guess that kind of justice is only for men.
@scribblerg
Perhaps you meant “that kind of penalty is only for men”?
What exactly did they get right about it? Kate is still free and has faced precisely zero repercussions for her predatory, maniacal actions. A night in jail? Please, reverse the scenario and a man would be spending years in jail. There is no “justice system” anymore – whatever semblance of one we have left is just an part of an increasingly dysfunctional, broken society descending rapidly into oblivion.
The headline is a goddamned lie and the author is an idiot. There’s nothing right about this. This psychopath should have gone to prison, except that would never in a million years have happened because Women Are Wonderful (c) and can do literally no wrong ever.
It’s sad that the standard of good news is so low that this end result can be hailed as a win…
…but consider the alternative. Couldn’t ‘Jake’ have been convicted and sentenced to serve a multi-year prison term?
Granted that the police and prosecturos didn’t get it “right”, still it’s harsh to call the author an idiot – after all, it was the organisation the author founded which provided support and assistance to the victim in the case.
Some support, given that his abuser still walks the streets.
I think it is important to remember that in took less than two months to show police they’d missed the evidence of stalking. When it was pointed out they worked with Jared to help him recover his life.
What you think should have happened is not as important as the fact that a young man got control of his life back. That was the goal and that is what was accomplished.
The damage is lasting and her apology will not be heard by as many as heard the rape allegations. Click here for an example: Paul Krugman of the New York Times lies. Gets 8k+ retweets. . . “Ok, It’s not true”. 160 retweets.
In this era of #believeallwomen lots of people will simply refuse to believe the apology, and use it as evidence of a misogynist judge and a system rigged against women.
I bet if you search the victim’s name the false rape allegations come up first, while Google buries the apology on page 137 of search results. They do that, you know.
Bravo!
Here’s an even worse case. An illegal who framed an innocent American man who didn’t even know her in order to get a U visa.
https://www.dailycaller.com/2019/04/18/codias-brown-illegal-immigrant/
How does Kate’s “penalty” for stalking and reputation destroying false accusations compare with the penalty Jared would have received for calling Kate “him” or some other non-preferred pronoun?
Message to young men – when you meet a woman, observe her very carefully. If there is ANY sign of instability, quietly disappear. You are not a white knight – you cannot save her. An unstable woman can deal at least as much damage as a violent man.
A smart man these days does not involve women in his life in any way. He doesn’t marry, live with, date, work with, talk to, or even acknowledge their existence. They are all unstable, and every last one a ticking timebomb. Such is the state of our modern society and why it’s collapsing.
Al
Nothing like going overboard. Sure there are some crazy women, but there are plenty of sane, good ones.
Shamrock,
I have yet to meet one. And I’ve met a lot of women. These days I prefer to treat them all as if they had the plague – haven’t been #metoo’d, divorce raped, or sued for child support for a kid that isn’t mine yet. Guess i’m doing something right, huh?
Is this an admission that you are an incel?
I once had a problem similar to yours. Afraid of women and afraid of being accused of something nefarious for the slightest of reasons. Then I met a woman with whom I shared a strong common interest, and with time and repeated jaunts together our acquaintance slowly became friendship then attraction then love then marriage. We’ve been wed over twenty-six years. She’s unconventional, she admits it, but she’s been by far the best friend and companion and lover I’ve ever had. I constantly tell her how much I love her and how lucky I am to have met her.
Common interests. That is the key. Not beauty, not quirkiness. Not strong emotions. A strong shared liking that’s as much a part of her life as is hours.
AI
That’s a sad admission of your inadequacy. If you think all the women you meet are capable of doing you down, you must be incredibly wimpy.
The problem is you can’t tell the difference. Not until it’s far too late.
Try this analogy: there is a bowl with 1000 M&Ms in it. 3 of them are poison. Would you eat a handful? Why or why not? Does that sound like a good risk to you?
You don’t agree with this analogy? You think it’s a B.S. way to think about things? The exact same analogy was used to illustrate why it’s an unacceptable risk for women to trust men, because how do you know which one will ruin your life? Just scroll down to all the comments and look at the hate that blames men. #yesallwomen
@Al
I surely get your wariness, but even now, after thirty years of girrrrrll power and its many, increasingly deranged, derivatives, there are still quite a few very nice, sane women who make fine companions. Some of them are just as frustrated with our imploding society as you are. Chin up.
@TarsTarkas,
I don’t think you know what “incel” means. If you’ve been married 26 years I’ve probably had more sex than you, though almost certainly less than your wife.
Really though, if what you’re saying has any truth to it, then you’re the outlier, not the norm. Don’t bither trying to pretend otherwise – nobody’s buying that BS anymore.
@Peter from oz,
If you think they’re not, given the preponderance of evidence to support that conclusion, then you are both oblivious to what’s going on in the world around you, and incredibly naive.
@Scott Snell,
Perhaps, but in response I’ll offer an analogy; here I present you a box of grenades. Not all of them will explode in your hand, but some definitely will. You should pick one up, because a few of them are safe.
“@TarsTarkas,
I don’t think you know what “incel” means. If you’ve been married 26 years I’ve probably had more sex than you, though almost certainly less than your wife.”
an insult given, and one better received. A+
Just ask who they vote for. If it’s Democrat, run away as fast as possible.
You can sort of tell how crazy a chick is by how she takes care of herself “down there”.
The stable ones taste like vanilla bean ice cream, but the crazy ones taste like a backed up sewer in Baltimore.
And if she threatens self harm if you leave her, dial 9-1-1, and turn her over to the paramedics/police for mandatory psych evaluation.
Keep up the good work Diana!
This happened to a nephew of mine. Kid got of easy with about 5 grand in legal bills and no criminal record on condition he write an essay to the effect that just because the girl he’s picked up is sitting in his lap and billing and cooing with him, that does NOT mean he has permission to nibble on her ear without a specific yes meaning yes. I clear case of sexual assault, but the prosecutor decided to be merciful since the essay was sufficiently grovelling.
Wow, he did get off easy. Being forced to write a self-criticsm is straight out of Mao Zedong’s Communist Party. Humiliating yourself in public is a grand way to permanently damage the human psyche. Saying things you know to be lies weakens you. Moreover it’s held on file as damning evidence in case of future thoughtcrime. It was a great way to control people and force them to your will.
But when faced with a long prison sentence for rape, it is the evil of two lessers.
Sorry Dianna, Not buying the mental illness\diversion slant. I have lost several friends and acquaintances who, despite being found not guilty, took their own lives due to the emotional and financial tolls.
Yes, these women may have mental health issues, the F.B.I. lists borderline personality disorder as an indicator of those making false allegations. If such women had instead attempted to destroy an individual’s life with a knife or a gun would you be recommending a “diversion” program?
Look to Britain where the Director of Public Prosecutions was forced to resign when it was found exculpatory evidence, largely text messages and e-mails, were withheld from trial. Unfortunately the recent Canadian attorney general was able to put similar legislation in Bill C-51. The court may rule to exclude any reference to sexual relations between two parties due to Mr. Ghomeshi being prudent enough to save such correspondence proving his accusers to be perjurers.
The CPS was ridiculously biased in its handling of allegations against men. In one case there was conclusive video evidence proving the accused could not have committed the crime. So the CPS altered the footage in an attempt to mislead the jury. It didn’t work. Here are the gory details.
https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/man-falsely-accused-of-sexually-assault-on-actress-wants-apology-from-cps-over-bemusing-case-a6877036.html
I’ve been following D.D. for years now. She does amazing work, and we all need more women like her.
The ‘Lighthouse Project’ is a much needed endeavor and well worthy of financial assistance.
Keep on keeping on, Diana.
Saw file: I second that.
This was a great article, and we need to hear more stories like it. One of the great flaws in today’s society is that large numbers of people will react with anger at any story that runs against the social justice orthodoxy, andathr MSM will try to bury it. Quillette seems to be the only place to hear about how things in life are more complicated than the simplistic truisms of MeToo.
I’d like to thank the founders of Quillette for founding Quillette.
Can you imagine anywhere else on the internet that would publish an article like this? It would be branded as thoughtcrime anywhere else. The author would be deplatformed and slandered. The narrative would be that the punished are to blame because of their own behavior – a classic narrative by which those who abuse their power to exclude and silence justify their behavior.
It is clearly a good thing that “Jared” is able to start rebuilding his life but the final outcome is quite disturbing. One would have thought in a situation like this where someone has harmed the victim through a campaign of defamation to destroy their reputation that the two most important things should be to restore Jared’s life and reputation to the extent resonably possible and to prevent and limit the attackers ability to cause damage to any future vicitims. Concern for preventing reputational damage to the aggressor and her ability to establish herself as a productive member of society must be secondary to the mitigiation and amelioration of damage she has alreadty caused to the victim. In order to do this the absolute minimum has to be a public statement by her that all of her accusations were false. This reduces the damage to Jared’s life but also limist the damage she can cause in the future to any new victim.
As matters stand she will on completion of treatment have no criminal record and there will be no public record of her malicously false accusations. If she moves to a new location she will be free to commit similar crimes. Her experience will mean she will probably be more effective at concealing her true motivations and expert at fabricating her allegations in ways which make refutation more difficult.
The incident at the court room in which she collapsed prior to entering the court and the deceptive relationship with her current boyfriend shows she continues to be both manipulative and deliberately dishonest and deceptive. The impression I get os that teh court was more concerned with the impact on her as the criminal aggressor than on her victim. She will have learnt that by feigning emotional distress that even if taken to court there will be no siginificant consequences to her and will be emboldened to continue her behaviour in the future. Does she actually suffer from mental illness or doe sshe simply have a personality disorder so she simply does not care what damage she inflicts on others?
The unspoken element of this case is the sex of the attacker and her victim. The bias in the legal system is most apparent in the way that concern about the impact on the agressor outweighed concern for the victim. Given that the impact on the aggressor woudl primarily be repuattional damage simila rto but lesser than what she inflicted it is difficult to put this down to anything other than instituitional sexism.
Yeah, that part sucks. She sounds like a classic BPD case. On the plus side, her ability to suck people into that vortex will fade as she ages and becomes less attractive, and the symptoms tend to subside a bit after fortyish. You can’t ever really get justice against a personality disorder, though 🙁
I appreciate all the work that the author has done to help victims of false accusations, but I strongly disagree with her conclusion that Jared ‘got control of his life back.’
He didn’t. There’s nothing stopping Kate (or any other woman, for that matter) from accusing him again, and the article makes it clear that his troubles are not over.
“I am not sharing that much about what I am doing these days on social media out of fear” – does that sound like someone who got control of his life back? Kate’s lies continue to affect him negatively, while she never even received any punishment for them, and hasn’t shown any sign of regret. Her reputation is still intact, she hasn’t paid him any monetary damages, she won’t have any criminal record and for all the pain she’s caused, she’s only had to spend one night in jail. How is this acceptable in any way?
‘What haunts Jared is the sense that this could happen again—to him, or anyone.’
And rightfully so, because it could, and almost certainly it will, until we stop making excuses for female criminals.
I disagree with the author’s decision not to publish Kate’s real name.
A woman like her can never be trusted to change. She’ll merely become more cunning, and harder to catch the next time she decides to do harm to someone, and it doesn’t necessarily have to be a man who’s victimized.
Everyone who meets Kate from this time forward will be unaware that she is dangerous, thanks to this negligent act of silence.
Three and a half years ago I had accusations of domestic violence made against me by a woman who had a history of violence and mental illness, including at least one involuntary commitment.
It all began when I made the mistake of being kind to her. I knew her through some work that she had done for my family. She got into a jam and needed place to stay “for a couple of days.” A stay that was supposed to last a weekend turned into a week turned into a month turned into a year. No, there was no sexual contact whatsoever. When I told this woman, repeatedly, that she had to leave she said, in essence, “Make me.” Even in Texas, a property-rights kind of place, making an unwanted guest leave is much harder than you might imagine. it was your basic nightmare.
It came to a head one evening when this woman attacked, without provocation, a female guest right in front of me, in my living room, striking her with such force that she was knocked to the ground. As this woman was laying on the ground, my squatter hit her again, stunning her. After coming to, the poor girl ran screaming into the night. I had the sense to follow her and get a victim statement and video. I returned to the house told my squatter she had to leave or I would call the police.
Bear in mind that the squatter was about 5’10” and close to 200 muscular pounds (I am about 160), very aggressive, and extremely strong for a woman. She was once a prison guard. She hit me, twice, with enough force that I saw stars.
Long story short, she fabricated an attack by me upon her. In this state, by law, every domestic violence call MUST end in an arrest. Let that sink in. My signed statement and video from the original victim did not matter one little bit. Neither did my squatter’s history of violence and mental illness.
Guess who went to jail? Guess who was the villain? Guess who would have been barred from even entering his own home for at least ninety days by a protective order but for the prompt actions of legal counsel?
I was lucky. My accuser, basically a decent person with some serious demons, came to her senses. She recognized her culpability and recanted with profuse apologies. The wise, notably male, head prosecutor figured out what had happened and dismissed all charges after yours truly went to Anger Counseling.
The takeaway from this ordeal was a very practical understanding of the way in which the legal system is slanted toward the female. My attorney had warned me that we had to do everything possible to keep the thing from becoming an actual prosecuted case. Because by tradition, domestic violence cases are prosecuted by female attorneys, primarily angry, man-hating ones. Facts and details don’t matter. If you are a male you are an abuser. Period. Yay justice!
Even though the charges went away, the arrest record still lingers. And for the rest of my life, or until the record is expunged, any encounter with the legal system, such as a traffic stop, will bring up that arrest for Domestic Violence. You can imagine how that goes over. Basically I’m fucked. For life. And I did absolutely nothing wrong. I shudder to think about the men who have been worked over far worse than me.
@S Snell
The mentally ill are like mines floating just beneath the surface of the water.
Most of the time you’ll never even know they are there.
Until you blunder into one by chance.
And then you’ll ask the community why nobody ever warned you. (There were many who knew.)
You won’t like the answers.
The basic rule for offering help to anyone (even relatives) has always been to set absolute limits at the outset. It’s never, “I’ll help until things are better” but always “You can stay two weeks and then you must find another solution.”
WHen you offer help without limits you’ll inevitably find you’re working harder to help someone than that person is working to help themselves: it’s not good for you and, really, it’s not good for the person you want to help.
Finally, everyone (but esp. men) need to take a cold shower as soon as the very thought of White Knighting enters one’s head, for such ventures almost always turn out very, very badly. If you want to feel like a Superhero, go see the movie.
Good advice!
That’s the Duluth Model. It’s feminist theory that all men are always at fault for every DV incident, ever. It’s been worked into law in many jurisdictions. Woman hits a man, man goes to jail. A great triumph for feminism.
“The feminist theory underlying the Duluth Model is that men use violence within relationships to exercise power and control. This is illustrated by the “Power and Control Wheel,” a graphic typically displayed as a poster in participating locations.[5][6] According to the Duluth Model, “women and children are vulnerable to violence because of their unequal social, economic, and political status in society.”[7] Treatment of abusive men is focused on re-education, as “we do not see men’s violence against women as stemming from individual pathology, but rather from a socially reinforced sense of entitlement.” [8] The program’s philosophy is intended to help batterers work to change their attitudes and personal behavior so they would learn to be nonviolent in any relationship.”
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Duluth_model
The idea that women might not be victims is not even considered.
@Heike
The Duluth Model. Yet another simple solution to a complex problem that happens to be wrong.
You’re soft as fuck my dude.
You tell him, grrrl!
@You’re weak
What’s interesting is that so many people who have not actually gone through this experience are instant experts.
Bottom line is that you cannot treat a woman the same as you would a man. You get crosswise with a man, you fight, he leaves. You get crosswise with a woman, you fight, she gets the house, you get the Big House.
And if you have even a trace of humanity, some learn to take advantage. You evidently do not have that problem.
I am a woman who has observed plenty of females behaving like this. My advice to my young male students is do not engage until you have known the female quite some time. Do not go for the hookup and stay away from the boozey babes with sad stories. Older guys—watch out for women who are supposedly recovering from … other guys. Someone already said it above—common interests and go slow. …and yes, publish Kate’s name. She needs to be outed. Yes as punishment and as a warning to all who meet her plus any future repetition will be caught by authorities who can stop her.
Same here. As the lone female director in my department, the crazed gals were frequently shunted to my group for some ‘come to Jesus’ learning. It’s difficult to make up harassment stuff of any kind against another woman. There was one beauty dropped on us, married to a company official, who had three concurrent harassment suits active against the company. She would weep over cursing by her stablemates much less crude than what one hears in any movie these days. She would be then unable to work due to the stress. When an assemblage of female managers appeared to complain about her lack of productivity, I asked the folks around her to watch their language for a few weeks while I helped her. We had the female managers sit with her in two hour rotating training and witness shifts. Figured she really didn’t want to actually work. She didn’t last two days. On day three, HR informed me she had been given medical leave, and we never saw her again.
Wow. What an awful experience. what happened to that woman?
Another sad story of a “Borderline Beauty” and the lure between her legs…
This kind of thing should serve as a cautionary tale to any young man looking to wet his whistle: don’t stick your dick in crazy.
The problem is, the crazy ones put out easily and are demons in the sack. It’s like telling women not to fall for dominant, controlling men.
She should be identified. Not identifying her id just making another man a victim.
Yes!
Why the hell wasn’t she required to pay his legal bill? I don’t understand how it’s “too large” is an excuse.
Diana was kind enough to give me a long interview by phone a few months ago, so I’m impressed with her generosity on the trail of her campaign. She’s also a skilled writer, which is an asset critical to her mission.
Her mission is complicated by her effort to minimize the harm to everyone in the case that she describes here. Sympathy and understanding for a false accuser does not satisfy the need that many feel for punishment and for instruction to the public about the importance of the crime. Even so, the victim in this case got a result he can live with, possibly the best result possible for him facing the system as it really is.
Diana’s article is part of her campaign to change the culture, of course. This is Diana doing what she can to change all future cases for the better. Diana facing the system as it really is.
Quick questions: if I’ve got the math right, the relationship started when Jared was fifteen and Kate was eighteen. Did the laws of the state allow for statutory rape charges against Kate? Did the age difference ever figure into this case? What did Jared’s parents think of their teenage son dating an emotionally unstable legal adult?
Would make a good movie, starring, let me see, Glenn Close and Michael Douglas.
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At least the police when after this crazy person. Most of the time, the survivors of false allegations never see the police go after the criminal accuser for perjury. The victim, the accused, is expected to live with their wounds and just move on.
We live in a Gynarcho-Tyranny. Everytime you hear some wahmen screeching about oppression and the ‘patriarchy’ remind them that they need only POINT and shriek at a man. The police will come running to jail him, give him an arrest record, and destroy his life even if he is found not guilty. That is what True Power looks like and women in most every Western nation hold all of it.
Of course, there -is- a solution for this. It has to do with when someone puts you in a life threatening / altering situation it use to be the case you would return that favor in kind. I can promise you this evil destruction of innocent people would stop tomorrow if we still had that level of accountability.
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So ‘Jared’ has a chance to get his name cleared in a somewhat well-known magazine, yet he remains anonymous? Unless this is Quilette’s fiction section, something doesn’t add up.
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This sounds similar to what happened to Conor Oberst (Bright Eyes). A female fan says he raped her 10 years ago, he was dragged over the coals and then she recanted & said she did it all for attention. Star fuckers are a bit unstable it seems.
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