Features, Language, Poetry, Satire

Headline Rhymes

The Oscars without any host?

That’s like avocado without any toast

Or an eWoke with no one to roast

Or a VIP with no dick pic to post

Views on the news, delivered so smooth.

Click for last week’s edition.

And for more Headline Rhymes, follow along on Twitter @grahamverdon

Do you have a Headline Rhyme? Take a stab in the Comments Section below. 

Sentiments are not necessarily shared by everyone at Quillette.


  1. Sydney says

    Ode to the Globalist-Socialist Paradise of PM Justin Trudeau:

    Nobody considers us up here in Canada chill
    As Trudeau morphs us into a U.N.-directed blue pill

    But Justin’s virtue-signalling globo-cialist regime
    is turning into a conservative social-media meme

    Trudeau government poop is hitting the fan
    thanks to its shady dealings with SNC-Lavalin

    The gov calls Canadians racist and Nazi and alt-right
    While it corrupts justice and commits crimes of collar white

    Americans should inspect their own politicians woke
    And be careful of those who doth protest the most

    • Graham Verdon says

      Good to see you back, Sydney! You have some competition this week!

  2. Brenda Tucker says

    My headline rhyme
    is on the subject of evolution theory
    We must go back in time
    reread, rethink, and not get weary.

    In Eighteen Eighty-Eight
    women did not have the right to vote
    Theosophy to date
    is still undiscovered and remote.

    Science needs a spark
    to begin the path to a new frontier
    Bring us out of the dark
    For the future is not to be feared.

    A new kingdom on earth
    deserves a name and a place
    To be of great worth
    this new understanding Is of a future race.

    We are not alone
    inside of us lives a great being
    It’s light has shone
    among a population far-seeing.

    Girasas is a first race
    living, kingdom inside the human
    Human, the fifth race
    intent on being illumined
    Reaches upward and inward
    embraces a new being on earth
    And this being once heard
    begins a descent ending in birth.

    Two kingdoms in one body
    a novel idea for evolution
    The future is not too shoddy
    with advancement the only solution.

    Name this kingdom girasas
    get to know them, their ways and their process
    Teach this in all of our classes
    it’s no crime to die on crosses.

    Ascending and descending in a cycle
    creation at a fifth race phenomenal
    Another kingdom, not the human
    has begun life on earth as a noumena.

  3. Chris says

    A satirist lazily cast
    about for a subject to blast.
    Gillette? AOC?
    But really I couldn’t be arsed.”

  4. Jezza says

    What is this life if, full of drink,
    You have no time to stop and think?
    If you are seeking, for two pins,
    To blame another for your sins,
    Walk a tightrope, risk it all
    And blame another if you fall,
    Where, with a Russell Conjugation
    Your train won’t stop at any station
    Disapproved by Twitter mob —
    You’re safe. You’ll never lose your job.

    What is this life if, full of grace,
    You just pour snake juice in your face
    Until you lie face down in dirt
    While random stranger lifts your skirt?

    And then, and then, when all is wrecked
    Are you entitled to RESPECT?

    • Graham Verdon says

      That’s intense and I’m not sure I fully grasp it. Thanks for your contribution.

Comments are closed.