Features, Language, Poetry, Satire

Headline Rhymes

Ever since the media was triggered by that smirk
I realized my superpower; I can sniff out every jerk

At the playground I saw a 5-year-old smiling on a slide
And I knew in just one instant he is supercilious and snide

This morning I saw a baby boy, smiling, fast asleep
It was obvious by the curl of his lips he’s a bloody creep

My special gift is boundless and it continues to grow
At my daughter’s school just now I spied eight grinning shits in a row

This smiling expecting mother? I have zero doubt
The baby in her belly is a pretentious, imperious lout

Just pout! I want to shout
So he’ll be cool when he comes out

Views on the news, delivered so smooth. This week’s inspired by:

Truth and Disfavored Identities

Click for last week’s edition.

And for more Headline Rhymes, follow along on Twitter @grahamverdon

Do you have a Headline Rhyme? Take a stab in the Comments Section below. 

Sentiments are not necessarily shared by everyone at Quillette.


  1. Sydney says

    Your verse just told me all I need to know
    And I’m a woman so I’m morally pure as driven snow

    The G of your name curls around like a big laugh
    Plus you’re male so for you life is just a care-free gaffe

    I’ve suffered and been victimized six ways to Sunday
    While white male privilege is your open ATM of pay

    You treat Gillette’s reeducation message as just another nag
    The left wishes you and that kid were headed to the gulag

  2. Yeah, I have a comment. I will say it because no one else has yet… RT

    The Rational Observer

    Am I maligned in the sight of the rational observer?

    Is my is, the is that ought to be for me?

    Is my ought, the nagging ought,
    The shared ought of the rational observer?

    I think and therefor I am rather biased
    For I am but a man
    With my universal grammar reckoning and
    Haranguing the world
    And each day more bias inculcating,
    A fellow absorbed in the business of men,
    Absorbed with my fellows, like the lion,
    The lobster, the rat their business of being, absorbed
    With their kind, armed with shortcuts of knowing,
    Algorithms of certainty, for this is how things are,
    And how things must be;
    All made manifest long before me.

    There is a dichotomy of seeing like the duality
    Of the helix or of the sexes or of allegiances;
    Or our decisions to fight or flee,
    Or even to be;

    And there are those for whom the is,
    Is blurred, for the ought transfixes; and
    There are those who have mastered the is, see
    The is for what it is, and see the ought for what it is,
    A cabal of biases;

    And these are the rational observers.


    The moment descends and I have fallen into weeping
    And I know not why but that I must
    Cry, embrace the cathartic surge,
    Steel myself against the judgement
    For there must be meaning greater than the meaning I know
    And the rational observer, who in my youth
    I understood as God,
    God the arbiter if why,
    For what mother would lie
    To her child about what is
    And what ought to be,

    Ever mocks me with silence.

    © Rhett Talley

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