Features, Language, Poetry, Satire

Headline Rhymes

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
Had a very shiny snout

And many of those around him
Were inclined to snuff it out

Some of the other reindeer
Used to pout and curse his name

They wouldn’t give him credit
Insisting we’re all the same

Views on the news, delivered so smooth. This week’s inspired by:

Every Schoolchild Should Read This Book

Academics’ Mobbing of a Young Scholar Must be Denounced

Click for last week’s edition.

And for more Headline Rhymes, follow along on Twitter @grahamverdon

Do you have a Headline Rhyme? Take a stab in the Comments Section below. Please try for PG 13. 

Sentiments are not necessarily shared by everyone at Quillette.


  1. Sydney says

    I love your take on Rudolph! Here’s mine for the holidays:

    ‘Baby it’s Cold Outside’
    has now been dutifully codified.

    And ‘I’m Dreaming of A White Christmas’
    is being critiqued by a follower of Habermas.

    ‘The Nutcracker Suite’ is riddled with offense;
    Orgy of militaristic capitalism, blind to nut intolerance.

    ‘Hark! The Herald Angels Sing’
    doesn’t ally with the intersectional left-wing.

    Before you sing about the manger holding a boy,
    trans-activists suggest you rethink your joy.

    The Bureau of Grievance has sent out this memo,
    Please go ahead and have a season that’s Po-Mo.

    • Graham Verdon says

      fantastic! You have quite a knack for it! The nut intolerance thing — I might steal that! ;0

      • Sydney says

        Graham, Just taking a stab at it, but isn’t the thinking something along these lines: Intellectual property is a product of white privilege, so it’s your responsibility as a collectivist-anarchist to steal it, because ownership is oppression. Steal away!

  2. Sydney says

    Inspired by: ‘The Anti-Natalist Paradox’ (and linked podcast interview, ‘Waking Up with Sam Harris #107,’ which I listened to)

    David Benatar’s philosophy against birth
    makes common sense but lacks any mirth

    We’ve wrecked Earth so maybe it’s time we leave
    I’ll be sad to go, since to my life I do cleave

    But listening to the annoying voice of Harris for hours
    indeed makes me yearn to be pushing up flowers

  3. Sydney says

    Inspired by: ‘Solzhenitsyn: The Fall of a Prophet’

    We’re told that Solzhenitsyn was all too human,
    Put in ice in the Gulag only to later chill with Putin.

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