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Laura Kipnis, Rape Culture, and the Disappearance of Sex

Earlier this month, HarperCollins released Northwestern professor Laura Kipnis’ book Unwanted Advances, based on her article about the accusations and subsequent resignation of fellow professor Peter Ludlow for alleged sexual misconduct with a student. Kipnis characterizes the investigation as an “inquisition,” and draws doubt on the “credibility of the accuser’s claims and the fairness of the process”. I won’t go into the further details of the actual case, but what makes Unwanted Advances especially relevant is its broader examination of the “rape culture” hysteria on college campuses, a claim that asserts that fully 25% of women will be victims of sexual assault while in college.

A number of critics have dissected the flawed methodology on which this astronomical number is based, and noted that if true, it would mean that American college campuses are as, if not more dangerous than cultures that truly turn a blind eye to rape, such as Afghanistan or the Congo, where 48 women are raped every hour. I think most casual observers would have to be at least somewhat skeptical about the veracity of these claims; if actually true, would any parent with common-sense send their daughters to any institution in which she has a one-in-four chance of being raped? Indeed, one major news outlet declared colleges to be “one of the most dangerous place for women in America.”

As the saying goes, extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence. Yet despite numerous concerns about the data, this same statistic used to prop up rape culture assertions is passed around as absolute truth in academia, without the slightest whiff of self-awareness and with complete credulity. The last time I was at an academic conference, the words “rape culture” were bandied about as if they were gospel and everyone in attendance accepted them as unquestioning truth. Either everyone believed or was too afraid to speak out.

Anytime some idea or statistic that makes no sense is heavily promoted, and it is even doubtful if the believers even believe it (again, why would anyone in the world go anywhere where there is a 25% chance of being raped?), you have to wonder who stands to benefit from such mythology. And here is where the plot thickens. A recent study in the prestigious Archives of Sexual Behavior last month has garnered significant media attention due to the bombshell revelations that Americans are having less sex than ever. Specifically, and most surprisingly, the Millennial generation appears to be having less sex than anyone, despite all the benefits that technology affords in finding casual sex. This was not the first time that research found similar results. Indeed, another study published in summer of 2016 came to the same conclusion: Millennials, despite all hype to the contrary, were the most prudish generation in a century.

However, as an NYC- based psychotherapist specializing in sexuality issues, I was not too surprised. The stories and concerns I hear from my clients do not necessarily match up with the narratives promoted by mainstream media. I’ll get to that in a moment, but to me, these news items most powerfully brought to sharp relief the wide disparity between media representations and the true, real-life stories I am privileged to hear in my office.

Taken at the Slutwalk meeting at Trafalgar Square in London on Saturday 11 June 2011.

I am often called upon by the media to provide my commentary and opinions when a note-worthy sex issue hits the news, and this was no exception. I had a camera crew come to my office in August and recorded me for over an hour. In March, Reuters reached out to me about the most recent study and my quotes were picked up by numerous other media sources. The camera crew wanted me to identify some reasons why I thought Millennials might be choosing to have less sex. I immediately thought of my clients, three young men who each separately had told me earlier in the year that they were terrified of casually hooking up due to fears of false rape accusations and confusion regarding policies such as affirmative consent.

From the reactions of the crew, I could tell right away that I was telling them something they didn’t want to hear. They all looked at each other anxiously and the producer continuously tried to steer me away from the perspective I was sharing of my clients’ experiences and onto some vague narrative about technology, video games, and porn. But unfortunately, the lived experiences of my clients don’t necessarily easily match up with forced narratives created in some media news room.

One of my clients shared with me that he did spend more time playing video games, but that was more due to trying to avoid unnecessary “dangerous” (in his words) interactions with women. And what was so dangerous, according to him? He believed that the current climate on his campus was so toxic between the sexes, that he was already suspiciously viewed as a potential predator, and so he didn’t stand a chance to have a fair shot if things turned sour and a false accusation was leveled upon him. In other words, he felt disempowered, and fully responsible for anything that happened, including the choices of his partner, ranging from the amount of alcohol she decided to drink to whether she later decided to change her mind, even after the fact. Video games or porn weren’t preferable, they were safer. Obviously, most women would never imagine making such unsubstantiated accusations, but as my clients believed, why even take the risk?

When the video was released online, all comments I had made about the effects of rape culture hysteria on actual hookups were removed, and instead it appeared like I was mindlessly chiming in with all the experts about all the horrible dangers of being “addicted” to Facebook likes. No substantive discussion about the real worries and concerns that young people actually have about hooking up. Only bewildered head shakes about why on earth young people would not want to socialize with their peers in real life. Must be the technology. Rape culture hysteria, well that’s only something actual rapists would be concerned about. Any large-scale trend typically has many contributing factors, so I’m not advocating for a reductionist position, but why not include these concerns as part of the discussion?

Same thing happened in the Reuters article. The journalist seemingly covered every angle (including blaming marriage) except for the actual real-life experiences of Millennials, which I was more than happy to share. But, once again, the media just wasn’t interested. There have been a number of high-profile cases of false rape accusations, from the Rolling Stone UVA rape hoax story to the fraudulent Duke lacrosse rape accusations. Every alleged rape case should be taken seriously, and every effort should be made to create a safe society, one in which laws are enforced and criminals are brought to justice. But, with the current climate of affirmative consent and “listen and believe,” is it possible that all sexual risk is now completely shifted onto men?

“A Rape on Campus” is a now-retracted Rolling Stone magazine article, written by Sabrina Erdely and originally published on November 19, 2014, that claimed to describe a group sexual assault at the University of Virginia (UVA). Rolling Stone retracted the story in its entirety on April 5, 2015.

Rape is abhorrent, a traumatic violation of selfhood, and I can understand that initiatives such as affirmative consent and listen and believe come from a good place of desiring to protect women. As a society, we obviously want women to feel empowered to assert their desires, to not feel pressured if they do change their mind, and to have a fair platform to voice grievances. But every action has both intended and unintended consequences. Rape is a very serious accusation, one that ruins lives. By conflating regrets with sexual violence, and treating the punishment for regretful sex the same as the punishment for sexual violence, the net effect is a chilling of casual sexual interactions, especially amongst young people. And so, why is anyone surprised? And why doesn’t the media want to talk about it? I have some thoughts below. They are mere hypotheses, but I welcome a robust conversation on their merits.

At one level of analysis, sexuality is all about power. A more thorough exploration of this is beyond the scope of this essay, but think about how many behaviors in life are driven by the pursuit and desire for sex and sexual currency. And the rape culture hysteria perhaps clearly brings to sharp relief the ultimate aims of third-wave feminism. While first and second wave feminists were primarily concerned with equality, I do wonder if power is the primary objective of (at least some) third-wave feminists, not so much the students but the thought-leaders and activists that set and create the platform. Power doesn’t exist in a vacuum, and I would argue that it is never absent. But true equality is not about the absence of power, but rather the sharing of power. Third-wave feminism, as evidenced by the relentless promotion of rape culture discourse, and turning a blind eye to its repercussions, isn’t really aiming for shared power, but rather a monopoly on power—sexual power, to be specific. And in the case of gender relations, sexual power allows for the dictation of all gender relations.

In the current climate of political correctness, an honest conversation around sexual power is probably too unrealistic. But, it’s a necessary discussion. Is it any wonder that individuals who feel disempowered decide to tune out, rather than play on a rigged field? If we are going to make sex great again, something that Millennials actually want to do, we are going to need to create a culture of empowerment rather than fear, one where both discourse and policies incentivize participation through an acknowledgment and cultivation of shared responsibility, equal stakes, and balance of power. Now that would be hot.

Michael Aaron

Michael Aaron

Michael Aaron is the author of "Modern Sexuality: The Truth About Sex and Relationships," and a psychotherapist in private practice in New York City. Visit his website at www.drmichaelaaronnyc.com.
Michael Aaron
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Michael Aaron is the author of "Modern Sexuality: The Truth About Sex and Relationships," and a psychotherapist in private practice in New York City. Visit his website at www.drmichaelaaronnyc.com.

117 Comments

  1. ardy says

    Interesting but I am not surprised. We have two boys in their early thirties and they have no sex unless they are in a long term relationship and that is a tricky negotiation. There is little interest in marriage because they know they will be ‘worked over’ financially at some point.

    It is just a factor of their life that women have all the power, promotoipns and they will get the house too.

    • Fredrick Welfare says

      Harpers May 2017 on p96: “Americans find the voluntarily childless to be morally outrageous.”

    • John says

      @Ardy. May I gently suggest that if they are in their 30s then referring to them with a less infantilising term than “boys” might help them.

      • Ben says

        “We have two boys in their early thirties” makes a lot more sense than “We have two men in their early thirties” as it has the added benefit of implying that the two boys are their children. My Grandfather still calls my Dad “boy” and it’s not infantilizing, it’s affectionate. Such a strange thing for you to whine about.

          • tkdkerry says

            @Akana Encountered a golddigger is not required to be ‘worked over’ financially. The divorce court system leans strongly toward the woman in matters of financial support.

          • John Richardson says

            Your above posts add zero to any debate.

            ‘I’m hoping I interpreted that incorrectly though.’

            Ugly, clumsy passive aggressive.
            Boring.

            ‘I only hope you will learn from your terrible mistake and not be so passive aggressive in future.’

            See how boring it is?

        • Daniel says

          Maybe the “boys” aren’t their sons at all, but the households two african american butlers? Plot twist!

        • Simeon Hope says

          When does a boy become a man? That is an important question raised by John and is especially relevant to the issue of rape culture. Behaving as an adult; being responsible for your own actions; not expecting others to make decisions for you: these are the qualities that I’d expect of men and women in a sexual relationship, however brief.

        • John Richardson says

          You showed just a tad too much patience with that poster.
          To focus on a tiny (and perfectly normal) word in your post reveals his/her/it’s inadequacy.

          Perhaps you are too male? 😉

    • @ardy – ” We have two boys in their early thirties and they have no sex unless they are in a long term relationship”

      I can pretty much guarantee you that if you had two daughters of the same age as your sons that you would be dismayed at how casually and frequently they have sex and that their partner counts would be a huge number, one formerly associated with the world’s oldest profession.

      The reason your sons aren’t “getting any” is simply because they are probably nice, decent guys. Young women tend not to be attracted to men like that, unless they are looking for a “beta wallet” to marry. And as your sons have already communicated to you, they fully understand what a raw deal marriage has become for men, and that they are better off staying single. Some might call them MGTOW, others might simply call them “realistic”

  2. Fredrick Welfare says

    Harpers May 2017 magazine stated on p96: “Americans find the voluntarily childless to be morally outrageous.”

  3. Schopenbecq says

    Interesting article and you come close to nailing it on the head. Perhaps it’s only the need for politeness given your position that prevents you from doing so. I was a bit more blunt when I wrote this article a couple of years ago in relation to the hysteria surrounding supposed ‘rape advocate’ pick up artist Roosh V :

    “Feminists don’t care about rape and child sexual abuse in the slightest. What they do care about is preserving the price of sex…. They do this by, in fact, inventing the myth of ‘rape culture’ (and creating ‘paedohysteria’) and discouraging promiscuous behaviour, especially among the young, through the unrealistic fear of being raped (and the realistic fear of being falsely accused of rape), and finally through the consequent passing of draconian anti-sex laws and widening legal definitions of rape and abuse that this atmosphere of fear permits.”

    http://theantifeminist.com/why-do-feminists-create-global-witch-hunts-against-supposed-rape-advocates-like-roosh-yet-remain-silent/

  4. Andrew Swallow says

    This implies that evil people are obtaining “power through lies”. (And not just academics.)

    Men are reacting by classifying coeds as faulty and refusing to date them. Prediction there will be lots of 30+ old maids.

    • Sam says

      The few desirable guys who risk dating will probably get around and around and around. Old maids?! I doubt that but it would be helpful to see an article about millennial women’s views on sex.

    • icutrauma11 says

      There are already women regretting feminism and all the faux power that came with it. Lonely, friendless, husbandless, childless and barren, and very unhappy. Yet men are are disappointed and seek happiness in other works and fulfillment in their lives.

      • Simeon Hope says

        It’s rather hard to believe that anyone could write a comment such as that posted by icutrauma11 except as a parody. Despite the undoubted inequities noted elsewhere, it is still the case that, across the world, females have a lot to be angry about, given their subservient roles in most cultures. The roles of religion, patriarchal societies, economic systems and education in confining half of humanity to a lesser status are simply undeniable and a lot needs to change before anyone can say that feminism might have gone too far. Much of the comment here strikes me, a man, as the whining of the entitled male who is finding that his unearned privileges are being rescinded.

        • John Richardson says

          ‘…except as a parody.’

          ‘…females have a lot to be angry about, given their subservient roles in most cultures. The roles of religion, patriarchal societies, economic systems and education in confining half of humanity to a lesser status are simply undeniable…’

          I see.

          The classic female irony.

  5. Paul says

    Secondary to this is the culture of the college campus as supported through teh college administration. There is no due process and just the accusation will set in motion a series of events that can ruin your education and this risk your future. An anonymous accusation can get you removed from campus and limit your ability to attend college anywhere. Why risk it

    • Elizabeth says

      Also, bear in mind that Title IX has become a cash-cow for attorneys – the threat of litigation (and bad press) cowers administrators into over-correction and/or kangaroo court style of justice.

  6. Teaching men the communication skills to foster an environment of active consent should make them feel *better* about negotiating sex, because it removes any uncertainty. If a man’s takeaway from that is “oh this is some complex, burdensome thing I’ll never understand so I’ll just stay home and play video games” then that speaks volumes to me about his overall maturity level. Please, by all means stay home and play video games.

    • Or maybe there’s been a gross overplaying of the threat of rape, and young men feel that they will be destroyed if they make one false move. (honestly, did you even READ the article?) That philosophy generated entirely too much stress, and putting the onus only on a single gender has turned this generation of men into people who are overly cautious. Frankly, I don’t blame them. Society seems determined to tear them apart for imagined crimes from the past. All men are not rapists. There is no patriarchy in the west. Feminism won their culture war. It’s time now to move the pendulum to the middle, and embrace actual equality.

      • Active consent puts the burden equally on both people involved, regardless of gender. One person’s responsibility is to ask for what they want without pressure or coercion, and the other person’s responsibility is to say yes or no and be honest about it. I fail to see how that is stressful or complicated.

        • Scott says

          Even with active consent there is no guarantee. A man is not safe from accusation even after an affirmative consensual encounter, should the woman change her mind. Even if the male isn’t charged criminally, a university Title IX investigation will destroy his educational career. These are two, but there are many more examples:

          http://whotv.com/2017/03/02/drake-expels-male-student-despite-female-claiming-she-forced-him-into-sex-act/

          https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2016/08/29/toxic-environment-for-sons-accused-of-campus-sex-offenses-turns-mothers-to-militants/?utm_term=.94258bc9b8c4

          • Active consent is not a guarantee against false accusations anymore than it’s a guarantee I won’t be raped anyway even if I say no. It’s a tool to help prevent misunderstandings between people, not a magic-cure all for bad behavior.

            Arguing against active consent because false accusations could still happen is an example of a perfect solution fallacy. By this same logic, I guess I shouldn’t bother to wear a seat belt because I could be killed in a car crash even if I did? False accusations and how they are handled are their own very serious issue.

        • Smegma says

          But what constitutes “active/expressed consent” exactly? Well, there is no agreed upon idea of what it means because it’s completely subjective. If I wink at you is that expressed consent? If so, to what? Does one need to say “do you consent to my hand on your buttocks” and then with every single motion require expressed verbal consent for each motion? Honestly, would that make you more comfortable if your potential partner did this? What if your partner requested that you sign a waiver for each motion? There must be some kind of understanding of tacit consent as a form of valid consent.

          • Consent can be verbal or non-verbal, necessary for each single new action or given as a blanket, given for that night only or for the rest of time. That’s all up to the two people involved to decide. If you’re not sure what someone means, err on the side of asking. “Hey I noticed you winked at me, is that an invitation for something?” It’s actually not hard at all to work this into flirting and (if it goes that direction) foreplay.

          • dave says

            SV is missing the point, which is that active consent, whatever that is, does not address the problem raised in the article. The problem is that mere uncertainty, miscommunication, that would never be prosecuted in the real world can ruin a man in the college environment. Active consent does not even significantly reduce that uncertainty, never mind eliminate it. These often are not false accusations of rape we are talking about — although those happen far more than the “one-in-four” crowd wants to admit — but genuine accusations of, for instance, failure to obtain consent to step 3 of 12 in the 7th of 25 sexual encounters between the parties. Active consent might help you identify when your partner is too drunk to consent, but if she has had anything to drink in the last 12 hours, go home and play video games. You are a sitting duck. O matter how much active consent you get.

          • tkdkerry says

            @Doug Yeah, it’s a real hoot following a system as suggested by SV…
            Are your affirmations singular or all-inclusive in nature? [ ] Yes [ ] No
            May I compliment your hair? [ ] Yes [ ] No
            May I kiss you on the lips? [ ] Yes [ ] No
            May I kiss you on the neck? [ ] Yes [ ] No
            May I touch your breasts? [ ] Yes [ ] No
            May I **** your ***** with my ****? [ ] Yes [ ] No
            etc.
            I especially love that affirmation according to SV may be ‘non-verbal,’ which of course we all know is NEVER open to interpretation and/or misunderstanding.

          • John Richardson says

            Nope.

            She does not ‘buy into’ anything.

            These people are Bad People.
            What might appear ‘argument’ or in her case ‘dishonest argument’* is just another way of getting what they want.
            They want power over Good People; this is why they spend so little energy attacking pedophiles or those who mutilate girls genitals.
            Let’s be frank, they devote ZERO attention to those issues if we ignore their support of the mutilators.

            When you tarry with them, it exposes a degree of moral/intellectual weakness on your part (I know from experience).
            It’s like negotiating with the Mafia.

            Those days should be left behind if society wants to hope it can survive.

            Ignore everything that they say.
            They contribute zero to any honest discussion.

            Regards

            * She used the example of actually being raped to dispute the reality of FALSE rape accusations and I quote…..

            ‘Active consent is not a guarantee against false accusations anymore than it’s a guarantee I won’t be raped anyway even if I say no.’

            ….Nooooo….

            We are discussing the impact of a FALSE rape accusation environment; and the negative effects of ignoring that real situation as experienced by young men

            NOT anyone actually being assaulted or raped.

        • I have personally seen what happens when consensual sex turns into a rape accusation. You are dodging the issue.
          The female in any campus sexual encounter holds the power to utterly destroy her partner in the palm of her hand, merely at her say so. The accusation doesn’t have to be true, all she has to do is say it, and the campus Title IX machine goes to work, grinding him into dust. If by some miracle he is cleared, she will face zero repercussions for her false accusation. Hell, most likely her name will be kept confidential, and nobody will ever know who she was.

          • Rational men will react rationally to the situation at hand. When there is a real risk that a consensual sexual encounter can end in disaster for him, he will choose to avoid the situation altogether. Plus there is the fact that if you’re a nerdy beta STEM major that you aren’t going to even get close to first base, so why bother?

        • MarkM says

          In theory, active consent puts an equal burden. In practice, even men who were arguably incapacitated at the time of the incident have been expelled from their school. See Amherst ‘s John Doe lawsuit resulting from activities the night of February 5, 2012 (findings included that John Doe was blackout drunk when the alleged “victim” performed oral sex on him) and Drake University’s expulsion of a John Doe (October 2015 drunken hook-up. Jane Doe admitted she started oral sex without John Doe’s consent). And we only hear about the cases where the expelled male decides to invest the time, money and energy in a law suit.

        • Apparently you do not understand the concept of “regret sex” where the woman wakes up and for whatever reason decides she had best explain this to her real boyfriend that the person she was with earlier “raped her” – there is no room for error and no justice for men. fairness and decency do not come into the equation.

        • Nope, you’re wrong. VERY WRONG. Feminism is pushing a narritive that states women cannot consent to sex when drunk….but if the guy is drunk, he doesn’t get to call it rape…does he?

    • “No matter what you do, it’s your own fault. If she levies a false accusation against you, that means YOU must have been in the wrong, that YOU are the substandard human being.” So if she gives affirmative and ongoing consent throughout the whole thing, then decides later that she felt ‘coerced’ by not wanting to turn him down and look like a prude? Or when he doesn’t know (and she doesn’t say) that she’d had half a beer 12 hours ago, so now she is “drunk” and unable to consent, so she claims rape?

      Sounds like victim blaming to me.

      With the university system being told via the ‘Dear Colleague’ letter , in effect, ‘you’d better find enough rapists on your campus to satisfy us, or we’ll cut all federal funding’, is it really any surprise that the accused often isn’t even informed of what they’ve been accused of until they are in front of a hearing board? How can you prepare a defense when you aren’t even told what you’re accused of? Of course, you can’t cross-examine your accuser, or their ‘witnesses’, because it would supposedly be ‘too traumatic’. You can’t present much, if any, evidence of your own innocence because the person that is accusing you gave consent at the time, but has now decided she wasn’t capable of doing so, so you didn’t compile a list of witnesses complete with signed and notarized descriptions of just what happened. And while it’s not against law or policy for you to have an ‘advocate’, most hearing officers and college officials won’t tell you this, or will try and bully you out of it. So you’re left, alone, in front of a hearing board that is deciding the fate of the rest of your life, literally. If they find against you, you can kiss any chance of furthering your education goodbye. You’re spoiled goods. No college is going to want a “rapist” in their midst, even if you were found not guilty and cleared of charges.Even the fear of bad publicity from having your around will keep other colleges from admitting you, and most any job from hiring you.

      And knowing that all it takes is an accusation to destroy someone, unscrupulous women can ride the coat-tails of real victims, making the claim that even though you’ve never seen them in anything less than a parka, snow pants, and boots, that you raped them. Even though you didn’t commit rape, sexual assault, or any variation thereof, you’re still made into the villain of the story. Broke up with a girlfriend that made beating you a past time, and laughed when she burned you repeatedly with a curling iron? Well nobody’s going to believe a rapist, and you’re a rapist because she says you are.

      But no, please tell me again all about the big bad toxic masculinity, and how boys and men are too stupid or too villainous to understand what consent is. And I’ll be right there to tell you to stuff it.

      Sincerely, someone that repeatedly had a female classmate try and reach under her skirt and finger her, only to be told that it “doesn’t count” because it’s “not really sexual assault” since she doesn’t have a penis.

    • Male-blaming is precisely the cause of the problem. A comment like this merely resounds how widespread such ignoramt and casual misandry has become.

      • For some reason it posted as an orphaned comment instead of a reply to SV.

      • Gareth Hart says

        A group of men choosing to be single who are now being stigmatized and condemned. They’re not prepared to “man-up”, do their male duty of finding a partner, having sex and adhering to the social norm of coupledom – they’re “pathetic weasels” according to one popular and well respected professor in a lecture describing a particular group of men facing additional vitriol recently.

    • John says

      “…because it removes any uncertainty.”

      No, it does not. It will always be a he said/she said problem, and in that problem, the overwhelming majority of colleges and universities have proudly gone on record claiming that only the female’s side of the story can be valid, and that the male’s side of the story can only be invalid. Yes, I know you can find pages of links to commentaries that say that there is no such thing as a he said/she said problem with respect to consent, but even a child could see that all of these are nothing more than examples of denialism.

      • “It will always be a he said/she said problem”

        And unless he has a signed affidavit from her (and maybe not even then), the kangaroo courts will always take her word over his.

        • markm says

          If that signed affidavit is from before the sex, it is indeed worthless, because the woman could always change her mind in the middle…

    • RP Durbin says

      You can argue all you want, but as long as men see it as a minefield with little upside they’re going to opt out of going there.

    • How do you propose they gain that maturity, if your attitude is that if they don’t “get it” they should stay home?

    • grayswindir says

      Have you even followed the issue in the number of men removed from college, their academic careers ruined, and future drastically changed from false accusations?

      My son has been instructed that if he dates a fellow student, I withdraw all financial support. Done.
      He has worked far too hard for far too long to risk getting involved with the 1-2% of women who will do this. He can date women from off campus where rules of evidence apply and he gets a fair hearing in a case of false accusation.

      There is no such thing as affirmative consent, a women can, and they have at various colleges, decide that she regrets her decision to have had sex and that regret itself is an indication that the event she enthusiastically engaged in was rape.

      A young man who’s worked his ass off to get into the school of his choice to pursue the career of his dreams making the risk decision that there is far more to be lost from engaging with members of the opposite sex than to be gained is demonstrating exemplary maturity.

      Deferred gratification in the pursuit of ones goals is a mature decision.

  7. Elizabeth says

    Make sex great again? Hmm. How about restoring it to its rightful place in a life: within the context of a long-term and loving relationship. Outside of that context, sex is hardly worth the risk or even the diversion from work, studies,and travel. It’s a big world out there, and plenty of other things to discover and do.

  8. Len Braget says

    Yeah ok, lets make sure we are “Teaching Men”. This is a big part of the problem, sex isn’t supposed to be an education or contractual agreement it is supposed to be an action that takes place between two people that love and trust one another, Many men don’t trust women anymore and why should they? Many women are making the entire gender seem hypocritical and untrustworthy, the media and justice departments jump all over crazy accusations about men’s misconducts but seems to sweep away any wrong doing by a woman accused of the same offense.

    • grayswindir says

      The hardest thing to overcome in a person is their experience. If a lot of young men don’t trust women, it might just be because the key women in their lives- mothers, aunts, friends’ mothers showed them women aren’t trustworthy.

      • Faust says

        And when large swaths of the male population don’t trust women as a matter of experience, what, then, does that say? Take that extra little step of adding two and two together. Either there is some large-scale, environmental factor driving millennial men’s distrust of women, or the women that millennials encounter have suddenly become more deceitful. Which choice is more misogynistic, I wonder?

  9. Colin says

    I agree with much of this but I just want to point one thing out. Regarding your clients’ and their rational choice to abstain. i.e., “Video games or porn weren’t preferable, they were safer.” I want to note that this is a very convenient excuse for the can’t-get-laid crowd.

    People have egos and people lie to themselves. All the time. It’s easier to tell yourself you avoid sex for fear of being called a rapist rather than acknowledging you have no real clue how to interact with women. I don’t care if you’re scared of that, no healthy 16-22 year old man is turning down sex once it’s actually available to them. The problem is it isn’t available, and they don’t know how to do the leg work.

    I suspect a major factor in the decline of sexual activity in our teens and young adults is due to a larger cultural phenomenon, or phenomena. One is narcissism. The quote above is correct, porn is safer. But not just safer in terms of avoiding a real threat of a rape accusation, it’s safer to the ego. Sex is inherently unsafe to the self-obsessed. Sex is frighteningly intimate, even if it’s casual, and it’s especially so for the kind of boys who already have reservations about it. If you never have sex, you never have to face whether you’re inadequate or not, if you’re good at it or not; you never have to be completely naked and exposed in front of another human. You’re never subject to their judgement. That’s safe.

    Related to that is a decline in masculinity in young men. Violence is down, fighting is down, bullying is down. All good things. Testosterone levels have also been trending down for many years. Whether this is a causation or mere correlation, I don’t know, but the effects of testosterone on aggression, assertiveness, exploration, bravery, etc is well known. Is it really any shock that a generation of men less likely to fight, less likely to explore, and less likely to face danger is also less likely to initiate sexual contact?

    • You have the cause and effect reversed, I’m afraid. Testosterone is a product of aggression, not the cause. You’re thinking of oxytocin, and it has the same effect in women as men. Men are shying away from marriage, dating and sex with women because the Feminist state has made it so potentially dangerous to do so. Males are deferent toward women in this regard, regardless of how easy it is to get laid, and I say that as someone who has fended off more women in the last two years than most men sleep with in a lifetime.

      • Colin says

        “Testosterone is a product of aggression”

        Can you source this? While temporary testosterone levels do rise in aggressive situations, or competitive moments, there is also plenty of research about higher baseline testosterone levels, even in the womb, producing more masculine male children. It is not as simple as achieving high test levels simply by behavioral changes.

        “Men are shying away from marriage, dating and sex with women because the Feminist state has made it so potentially dangerous to do so. ”

        I explicitly stated that I agree this is a factor. To say it is the only factor is lazy analysis, and a potentially dangerous one.

        • R-N-G says

          Colin you’d have better luck getting your point across if you didn’t come off as a condescending feminist eager to try and word your responses in such a way to garner negativity to feed some apparent addiction to schadenfreude/epicaricacy (pleasure derived from another’s suffering) as many feminists are now want to do.

          As for ego well as the new saying goes “the way to a woman’s heart is through her ego” and given how this is a succesful strategy for marketing forces to manipulate to consume their products there is more truth to it than not and for the men who realize this its a major turn off that effectively kills their libidos becuase the lay does not commiserate with the agony of having to constantly maintain and boost a vapid

          If you don’t want to be dismissed as one of the people who are part of the problem it would serve you well to not emulate them to begin with.

          • R-N-G says

            Pay does not commiserate with the agony*)) boost a vapid ego*)) sorry typos. Not a fan of websites that do not allow editting of responses especially on mobile devices.

    • Elizabeth says

      Interesting points and well argued. Just want to point out one population cohort whose testosterone levels continue to rise: trial lawyers, male and female. Our “fighting” is done in courtrooms. Medical procreation will eclipse sexual procreation within decades, I imagine, at least in the classes that can pay for it. Vive la difference? Soon there will be no difference, or not one that matters in any way. (Which brings up your other point: on narcissism….)

    • To a certain extent, I think you have a point. There is certainly a subset of people who will use this stuff as ‘an excuse for inaction.’ I mean, learning to socialize properly — particularly in a romantic/sexual context — is hard, if you’re starting late. But there have ALWAYS been people like this.

      The problem is that this approach MAKES SENSE now. The fact that these occurrences of false accusations are actually statistically rare (there are thousands upon thousands of regular sexual interactions among college students that don’t turn into anything) is no consolation to the people it happens to. These accusations can literally destroy your life and make you a pariah in school and in your attempts to land a job. And if you actually attend college, or are around people who do, you know that while these instances themselves might be fairly rare, the attitudes and propaganda are FAR from rare; these rape statistics and anti-male narratives are commonly taught at universities to the point that they are basically ubiquitous, particularly when coming from women. I’m not lying — literally yesterday I was at Barnes and Noble doing homework with a friend, and two girls at a table near us were talking about a paper they were doing on rape culture. When the propaganda is so common, why would you trust any of them, especially if you haven’t known them for a long time already (and even that doesn’t seem to be insurance against it)?

      So yeah. Men are paranoid, perhaps more than is actually warranted if you look at it from a purely statistical perspective. But that’s *the entire point.* That’s not a bug. It’s the desired outcome. That’s the entire reason men are treated this way, so that they will be afraid. According to Ezra Klein and others, it’s desirable that men be afraid of interactions with women, so that they can mirror ‘how women feel about men.’

      So let’s not act like this is all about lazy, cowardly men and their video game escapism. While there are obviously some of those, it does nothing to acknowledge real problems and the effects those problems have. People adapt to their changing situations. Let’s not get off on some bizarro Infowars-esque “It’s all a problem of magical Low-T!” stuff.

      • grayswindir says

        To intimidate a population, you normally only have to shoot a few folks. The rest get the message and modify their behavior to lower the risk to themselves.

        The effect is out of proportion to the number involved, kind of like terrorism to prevent criticism of a religion.

      • Colin says

        Again, I need to stress I am no fan of the feminists and their marxist allies. No interest in what they’re spewing. All I’m saying is that the two or three clients of the author does not a robust data set make. It’s purely anecdotal and doesn’t explain everything.

        I am also a few years divorced from college. Things weren’t nearly this bad 15 years ago, so I admit I may not fully grasp how bad things are on the ground. I can fully buy that casual sex is down in that crowd. But are any actual college-aged couples, especially the non-religious, avoiding sex? No. It’s people avoiding relationships wholesale. And THAT I have a hard time buying is explained by a fear of false rape charges. We’ve all been in love. When you really click with someone, rationality is out the window. And relationships happen on accident as much as anything. So I continue to think the lack of relationships, especially in the author’s anecdotal cases, is as much about social awkardness as anything, and then the “I ain’t getting expelled dude” as a nice convenient post-script.

        On the flip side, college isn’t the only place young people gather. It’s actually one of the oddities. There is plenty of sex amongst young people happening in the poor communities. Also much higher rape rates than you’ll ever encounter on a college campus. Not a peep about this. Another thorn in college feminists side.

    • Al Sappwood says

      >I don’t care if you’re scared of that, no healthy 16-22 year old man is turning down sex once it’s actually available to them.

      Citation for this?

    • Bill says

      No its simply that there are so many horror stories and feminists act like holding hands or kissing without getting a lengthy consent waiver signed in triplicate is violent rape. Why bother? Women have become intimidating. Its all part of a conspiracy to test men and weed out those of us who arent gorillas, so women can fornicate wantonly with them, while we slave hard to pay their bastard children with WIC coupons. Back in the day, feminists were referred to as witches and dealt with accordingly.

      Men dont even want to approach women because saying hi to a woman is harassment or catcalling. Men are shamed shamed shamed into submission, so again, why bother? Why should I talk to the cute girl over there when she might be rude and claim I harassed her.

    • Neil says

      If it is narcissistic and cowardly to not want to approach and learn how to deal with the other sex for fear of rejection and feeling inadequate then women are at the peak of narcissism and cowardice.

      Feminism has opened Pandora’s Box, in a way. They changed how the sexes interact with each other, some ways for better and others for worse, depending on who you ask. This being said, men do not have to play the game as they always have.

      What are women worth that demands that the men approach, categorically? Their bodies? Is that what’s good for them?

  10. Scott says

    After my freshman son took the required university course content on sexuality and consent I had this brief conversation with him:

    I asked him, “So, who will be held responsible in cases of sexual encounters going bad?”
    His reply, “The guy.”
    “Who will be held responsible for consent even when both people have been drinking or are impaired?”
    His reply, “The guy.”
    “Who will be held responsible should any investigations occur?”
    “The guy.”
    Then I told him, “Make sure you don’t have sex until you’re married.”

    The kids, especially the guys, know the score and how the system is set up.

    • R-N-G says

      Even with marriage you run the risks of being held responsible for screwed up situations both social (such as the rise of social pressure of turning men into cuckolds so women can havenit all even within a marriage) and legal of which are numerous.

      Given that sex and “love” (an idealistic lie)are over hyped and its plain to see what awaits you should you pursue it…where is the thrill and satisfaction of trying when you already know the outcome?

    • “Then I told him, “Make sure you don’t have sex until you’re married.”

      All those toxic women classmates will be the same toxic women in marriage marketplace. Good luck with that. Remember, they pull the pin on the divorce grenade in about 3/4 of divorces.

  11. Good article. You will likely be interested in my book When Women Sexually Abuse Men-The Hidden Side of Rape, Stalking, Harassment, and Sexual Assault-Praeger Publishing Cook/Hodo

  12. jocon307 says

    Let me simplify this issue for everyone: THE LEFT HAS RUINED EVERYTHING.

  13. osis says

    Why are these old journalist perverts so interested in sex between consenting adults half their own age?

  14. curmudgeoninchief says

    “Rape is abhorrent, a traumatic violation of selfhood, and I can understand that initiatives such as affirmative consent and listen and believe come from a good place of desiring to protect women.” Yeah, so you have already conceded all of the points that you tried to raise. If you assume that affirmative consent or the mandate that all women crying “rape” MUST BE believed, there is no point in further discussion.

    I can’t imagine the pressure a professional like the author is under to confirm all of the liberal commandments, but it must be intense. This author only outlines the lack of acceptance for his professionally-obtained observations that he has experienced; I’m sure it’s worse than this.

    • Donald Punchovinsky says

      Anita Sarkeesian’s “Listen and believe” in particular is very nasty. It might not seem like it’s all that unreasonable on the surface of it. After all, rape can cause the victim immense emotional and mental distress, so you’d naturally want to help mitigate it, right? Only, that’s exactly what makes it so sinister. It’s a thinly-veiled attempt to emotionally manipulate us into willingly abandoning the burden of proof.

      Rape is distressing enough in itself, so we shouldn’t add to it by asking the victim questions that might add to that distress. Who cares whether or not a rape actually occurred in the first place, or whether the accused committed it? Screw due process. If asking those questions of a rape victim runs the risk of making her feel worse than she already does then we should simply listen and believe instead. There’s no way that could possibly be abused, because no woman in the history of humankind has ever lied about anything as serious as rape for any reason whatsoever, so why would they start now?

      It’s all so stupid and so screwed up that it’s impossible to believe that it was sincerely put forth in good faith. It’s made especially difficult to so when you also consider that Sarkeesian only applied it to female victims of rape. Of course this “listen and believe” bullshit serves nobody. However, when society at large still has a hard time even just comprehending how a man could possibly be raped, while women are taken seriously enough already that even just an accusation is enough to ruin lives, the exclusion by Ms. Sarkeesian of men renders her sincerity all the more questionable.

  15. The determination of the media to play dumb and look the other way…as this author
    experienced is NOT LOST on men. We see this as just another reason to see MSM
    as the fake news it is. We see men pilloried in the court of public opinion or accused
    of rape in grotesque kangaroo court like actions….and then folks are surprised men
    stay as far from women as they can.

    I always have this in the back of my mind when I think about dating or even striking
    up a conversation with a women….and I DO NOT DO IT.

  16. Ticcer says

    Women have always had sexual power in modern times. It’s the man who has traditionally has to court his desire and the women who has the power to accept or reject. Feminism seeks to weaponise the sexual enterprise for control. It’s disgusting.

  17. Montgomery says

    Especially less attractive women have most to gain from rising the cost of sex, because
    highly attractive women will marry up economically anyway and profit from their sexy bodies; less attractive women, however, have a huge incentive to get more out of sex for them financially/socially, because they are most under threat of getting much less or even nothing out of their sex because the best men flock around the more attractive women, who
    monopolize therefore also almost all big resource and status gains attainable for women by getting a high-status male partner.

    And it is exactly less attractive women who are feminists and try to rise the cost for sex
    with women for men the most.

    “Rape culture”, “Male Gaze”, “Stare Rape”, “Micraggressions”, “Rape Schedule”, “Men’s privilege”, “Queer Theory”, “Girl Power”, “Anti-porn” and all those other crazy inventions and problems made up by feminists are all tailored towards one single end: Make the mass of the less top-attractive men (most attractive men get huge amounts of sex for free anyway, but are scarce and will not hook up with – generally less attractive – feminists anyway) sexually insecure – about their own sexual urges and their appropriateness etc. – therefore rising the costs of sex for the average and lowly guy and therefore giving the feminists, that is less attractive women, more power (socially, financially) to exchange their sex more expensively in the sexual partner marketplace (it is commonplace that women only have sex with men if they gain something from it, be it good genes, money, food, social status etc.).

    What feminists do is trying to make less attractive women more sexually valuable by making average and lowly men more sexually insecure and then profit from the wider margin in terms of control/power/money.

    Feminists have declared sexual war on the 99% of men who are not super-handsome millionaires (who get sex more easily) – to shift the sexual power, which is translatable into social and financial power (divorce law, child support (which often end up in luxury items like shoes and handbags for the mother, not with the child), rape accusations (give me 500$ or I’ll go to police and tell them you raped me) towards women.

    And men cannot defend themselves, because they are trapped emotionally as the good guys who should protect and nurture women – people and society almost automatically sees women as valuable and worthy to be defended – automatically the good ones – and men as the aggressors or evil party. Also, men who speak up for men’s rights are seen as weak and unmanly.
    Men cannot do anything easily for the defense of their interests because if they do they are seen as the bad guys or weak, unmanly clowns who fear women.

    And, the upper class, elites, support feminists by forcing their propaganda out in their media empires – so there should be something important elites can or hope to gain from this assault on men and men’s sexuality…

    • “(most attractive men get huge amounts of sex for free anyway”

      AKA – Alpha F*cks, Beta Bucks or Alpha Lays, Beta Pays

  18. If I were attending university today, I wouldn’t even date a woman on campus. Far better to develop a relationship with a lady off campus, or dispense with dating altogether until post-graduation.

  19. Montgomery says

    I am not an American (I am German), but my brother did business in the US and was briefed by his company associates there that he must avoid riding an elevator alone with a woman – he should take the stairs or wait for another elevator, to reduce the risk of sexual harassment accusations which could cost the company a big sum and cause lots of distractions and problems.
    This was in 2005.
    It seems the issue here is not just limited to college campuses.

    • ” was briefed by his company associates there that he must avoid riding an elevator alone with a woman”

      Witness the firestorm vice President Pence created when he said that he does not have dinner alone with any woman other than his wife. The media became apoplectic over his remark, which he does to remain above reproach (Billy Graham said something similar a long time ago).

  20. Just Moi says

    When I see women banding together with their pussy hats and screeching at men, and expect me as a woman to join them, I think, I have a son, and if you think I’m going to encourage ANY environment where he could be unjustly framed as a potential rapist, you are out of your mind. The other thing about young men and sex- there’s not the social stigma there used to be about children out of wedlock. Who’s to say some dimwit won’t decide that a young guy with a good future- and financially stable parents- isn’t a great sperm donor for her mommy fantasy? While most men will be careful to avoid that, it’s not very hard to gain an inexperienced young man’s trust and mislead him that you’re on great birth control, infertile, know your cycle, whatever, and convince him that it’s safe. And yet- when she gets pregnant, it’s “his fault” because he was “dumb and horny” enough to trust her. It’s the same mentality as the rape culture- he is at fault 100%, and if you suggest that she orchestrated it, you’d be ridiculed for thinking that a modern woman would trap a man into having a baby. Then he’s on the hook for at least 18 years and more.
    I totally agree with the post above about ugly women using this to raise their value. You never see attractive women complaining about dating and relationships or how bad men are.

    • Montgomery says

      Maybe those feminists are actually, in effect, doing observant men a favor?

      Women with tattoos, piercings, drug problems or parents with such problems should be avoided – they may look sexy and seem nice, but their genetic potential seems defective – and such women advertise their mental defects with their physical appearance.

      Pussyhats, fatpositivism, feminism and all the other crazy stuff can serve as a behavioral warning for the discerning man who looks for a good partner to possibly make children with.

    • Joiss says

      Actually some successful (and possibly beautiful) women are complaining about there not being any good men… this is probably because of a lot of women desire to marry up which just isn’t reasonable since the higher up they go the less men are above them (so finding and getting one is almost impossible)

      And it doesn’t help that more and more women compared with men are finishing higher education so it will likely just get worse

  21. Tara says

    Hmm I am not understanding the reasoning. It seems pretty logical that if rape is up sex of course would be down. If my reality /perception as a woman was that its dangerous to get casually involved with someone because they might take advantage of me then of course as woman I am going to put the breaks on and take things much slower with anyone I like.
    Ironically this article doesn’t even realize it is only analyzing the problem from the Male perspective. And it basically says that because men are scared and playing video games instead of pursuing women more that everyone is having less sex. Hmm but doesn’t it take 2 consenting parties why don’t the women feel comfortable enough to go pursue these guys? Also if men in general are playing more video games etc instead of pursuing platonic genuine social interactions of course women might be less interested in them.

    Alternate Hypothesises not even considered,
    1.everyone is having less sex now because women are being listened to and this is the amount of sex they really want. (possible but not probable)
    2.Because the population of more sensitive respectful men are scared and pursuing other pastimes. The most aggressive and disrespectful males are still out there now interacting with now a higher percentage of the population of women. Thus less men are raping but more women are still being raped.
    3 Why does this article assume everyone is Hetrosexual?
    4. How about a control group: What about established couples? Are they having less sex too?
    5. Perhaps it is about power. And now women do have more power. if it is equal yet or not is debatable. But they don’t yet feel safe. And It might just be part of the process for the pedulum to swing the other way before it comes to balance. However I think men might be upset because for the first time they are getting a taste of what not feeling safe regarding sexual encounters in like. This is something that women have always had to deal with. Being able to experience how the other side feels is often valuable.

    • “And now women do have more power. if it is equal yet or not is debatable. But they don’t yet feel safe.”

      Any aggressor can “feel” unsafe. That’s neither here nor there.

      “And It might just be part of the process for the pendulum to swing the other way before it comes to balance. However I think men might be upset because for the first time they are getting a taste of what not feeling safe regarding sexual encounters in like. This is something that women have always had to deal with. Being able to experience how the other side feels is often valuable.”

      To your credit, at least you’re honest about your collectivistic callousness.

      Even actual, individual rapists, we don’t sentence to being raped in turn. “An eye for an eye” does not extend quite that far.

      That’s the kind of sentiment I’m sure was common in America in 1942: “We don’t feel safe from them Japs after Pearl Harbor. But they’ll see what it’s like to feel confined, once we put ’em in camps.”

    • Joiss says

      “2.Because the population of more sensitive respectful men are scared and pursuing other pastimes. The most aggressive and disrespectful males are still out there now interacting with now a higher percentage of the population of women. Thus less men are raping but more women are still being raped.”

      I don’t think there has been a statistically significant increase in the number of rapes… I might be wrong… and there might be some areas where there is an increase…

      “5. Perhaps it is about power. And now women do have more power. if it is equal yet or not is debatable. But they don’t yet feel safe. And It might just be part of the process for the pedulum to swing the other way before it comes to balance. However I think men might be upset because for the first time they are getting a taste of what not feeling safe regarding sexual encounters in like. This is something that women have always had to deal with. Being able to experience how the other side feels is often valuable.”

      Feel safe? People feeling safe can have very little to do with reality and everything to do with perception…. for instance men often feel safer then women while walking alone at night but they probably shouldn’t as they are statistically more likely to be victims crime (if I remember correctly though I do believe women are more likely to be victims of rape and sexual crimes while men are likely to be victims of almost all other forms of crime)

  22. Dave Mc says

    “As a society, we obviously want women to feel empowered to assert their desires, to not feel pressured if they do change their mind, and to have a fair platform to voice grievances. But every action has both intended and unintended consequences.” Blah, blah, blah. Society, aka cultural Marxists, have lied to women for fifty years now. They lied to women by telling them they were just like men in every way, even sexually. Accordingly, when women began acting like men (i.e., slutting around) they found out that it did not make them happy and it did not “free” them. Accordingly, the cultural Marxists had to tell more lies because their narrative could not be questioned. Their answer (i.e, more lies) was that “well, if you’re not happier and ‘freer,’ then you must have been raped.” Thus beget “regret rape.” Satan is in his glory.

  23. It’s almost as if the couple should enter into a contract recognized by society and the state that demonstrates their commitment to each other before having sex.

    In former times, this was called marriage. It’s as if society wanted to have its cake and eat it too. Having a sex culture without a marriage culture has terrible personal costs. The rape of women and false rape accusations of men are a direct link.

    In former times if a man slept with a woman and they weren’t married it was a scandal. Now we’ve presumed to have our sex and substitute drugs (including primarily alcohol) without marriage and want there to be no downsides.

    Abortion. Depression. Rape (including rape culture accusations). Diseases. Poverty. Fatherless children. Social problems.

    These are more likely​ when we put the cart before the horse.

    Does this mean none of the bad things will happen in a marriage before sex culture?

    Of course not. But they are all increased when we put sex before marriage. The answer is staring us in the face and the solution is as old as life (or the Bible) itself.

    Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh

    Latter day Saints (Mormons) recognize that God has explained: Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else.

    Many social problems would be solved if we followed this.

    What are the costs vs benefits of following this counsel? What are the costs vs benefits of the sex before marriage culture?

    The former benefits seem overwhelming. The latter seems primarily based around “I want”.

    Well as you sow, so shall you reap. Sow the wind, reap the whirlwind.

    What I say isn’t popular​ and won’t be regarded as practical. But when we’ve gotten so far gone culturally and scientifically because our society has built a tremendous skyscraper in on top of a firm, strong foundation. Now we’re presuming to chip away at that foundation, while marveling at the wonders of our construction and simultaneously lamenting occasional collapses here and there.

    Maybe we could quote: they shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand. And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell: and great was the fall of it.

    Mormons again would recognize this building without a foundation and add:

    A great and spacious building; and it stood as it were in the air, high above the earth. And it was filled with people, both old and young, both male and female; and their manner of dress was exceedingly fine; and they were in the attitude of mocking and pointing their fingers.

    And the great and spacious building was the pride of the world; and it fell, and the fall thereof was exceedingly great. Thus shall be the destruction of all nations, kindreds, tongues, and people, that shall fight against the twelve apostles of the Lamb.

    Sorry my contribution is not more secular for our modem tastes, but our secular only answers might be contributing to the problem.

  24. the studies says

    Don’t the studies suggest it is white, non-college educated males who are reporting less sex (all of it self-reported.) Why is it not made clear that college students are not reporting the decline?
    Isn’t that relevant to the author’s thesis?

    • Bill Haywood says

      If you are worried about false accusations, try getting to know the person first and find out if they are crazy before sleeping with them. That’s a better plan than complaining about the trend for explicit consent. It also avoids crazed stalkers and debit card thieves.

      Underreporting rape is a huge problem, so actively encouraging women to come forward is important. That may cause an up-tick in false accusations, but the world is complicated that way.

      Insecure guys will bang anyone who holds still because they think it’s their only chance. Be less desperate and you won’t invite trouble of all sorts, because we really can’t stop encouraging women to report rape so that you don’t feel threatened.

      • Al Sappwood says

        >That may cause an up-tick in false accusations, but the world is complicated that way.

        Interesting way of conceptualizing the life-ruining results of policies you support.

      • Bill says

        Which is exactly why we are having less sex. Men just give up and dont bother to navigate these treacherous waters,

      • Donald Punchovinsky says

        Hmn. Brilliant suggestion, Bill. Because of course nobody on the face of the Earth has ever put on a false face. Certainly not my ex-girlfriend, who after I’d gotten to know her over the course of two years became an entire different person a while after we started dating. If I’d have known at the start what I only learned after it was too late I wouldn’t have wasted even a single moment of my time with her, but as it turns out some people are just really good at hiding their crazy until after you’re already committed.

        Also, I gotta wonder whether or not unreported rape really is a huge problem, Bill, because as it stands now with the court of public opinion siding with the accuser by default, and with your ridiculous, gender-skewed rules of sexual engagement enabling women to ruin men’s lives with the mere accusation of rape itself, i gotta wonder exactly what it is that’s supposed to be keeping women from reporting rape. Do tell Bill, because it smells an awful lot like a load of bullshit from here.

        Dude, listen. When your rules for sexual engagement allow a woman to turn the regret that she feels the next day for last night’s sexual escapade into a rape charge even though consent was given before it went down, that’s a problem. It’s one that a growing number of young men would rather avoid. It has nothing to do with insecurity or desperation, this is the world that self-loathing beta males and misandrist feminists have created for us.

  25. Ben says

    I sent this article to a female friend and she had an interesting insight not put forward in the article I thought I’d share:

    “Girls are still taught to think sex is bad and that’s the problem. They wake up after a drunk night and feel ashamed and try to blame someone else to make themselves feel less dirty.”

    • Sam says

      You friend seems insane. Presumably a woman would have an idea about social stigmas and her own feelings about casual sex before she even gets to the keg party but she does it anyway and punishes the guy for her predictable emotional reaction. How is that just?

      The problem is that someone can be ruined by a kangaroo court based on a spurious accusation. Even if girls were taught that sex is great, guys would still be at the mercy of a woman’s whims.

  26. Bill Haywood says

    >Interesting way of conceptualizing the life-ruining results of policies you support.

    It works the other way, too, lives ruined because rapes were not reported. We can only strive for balance.

    And encouraging people to report rape is not quite the same as supporting false accusations.

    • Al Sappwood says

      >It works the other way, too, lives ruined because rapes were not reported. We can only strive for balance.

      You kind of give the game away here, don’t you? If the rationale supporting your position truly “works the other way” as well, then why is your policy preference superior? Who decides this “balance”?

      In the criminal justice system, heavy emphasis is placed on avoiding false convictions because it’s believed that punishing the innocent is worse than the guilty going free. Perhaps the reason you support campus tribunals is because the due process rights of the accused are virtually nonexistent?

      >And encouraging people to report rape is not quite the same as supporting false accusations.

      True. But you don’t seem particularly bothered by false accusations, either.

  27. Karl Legelmann says

    Been divorced, raked over the coals, falsely accused of child abuse and more. Fought for joint custody of daughters for over 5 years.

    Never again. The California family court system is cesspit.

    Dating in my 50s – women are either porny wannabees or looking for that income stream now that they are over 40, divorced ad nearly insolvent. And they are eager to blame men for their loneliness and/or financial bad decisions.

    I read a news article today that a Washington woman who left her newborn in a trash compactor to die can still potentially get custody of her son.

    Thanks feminism.

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  30. Maybe back when our parents and grandparents were going to college, the people who ran things knew what they were doing after all with single-sex residence halls, curfews, restricted (or zero) — and never overnight — opposite sex visitation and heavily chaperoned mixed-sex social events.

    It would be nice if we could let single young men and women freely mix, unsupervised, at all hours. It was a noble experiment — and if someone had told me as recently as five years ago that I’d be suggesting going back to the old ways I’d’ve thought they were nuts.

    But after years of studying and discussing this set of problems, I’ve become convinced against my will that we can choose between:

    (1) Free mixing, at all hours, of men and women in their teens and early 20s — not to mention not only permitted but encouraged sex.

    (2) An acceptably low number (it’ll never be zero) of rapes — and especially of rapists who get away with it.

    (3) An acceptably low number (ditto) of innocent people who are unfairly punished.

    Pick any two.

    The “good old days” weren’t always or even usually good, but back then as far as I can tell we had (2) and (3). A few decades ago, without realizing it we switched to (1) and (3). Now, over this decade, we’ve been switching again to (1) and (2).

    IMHO, however much folks — especially single folks that age — might (think they) like (1), I respectfully suggest it’s much less important than (2) and (3).

    There are some single-sex colleges and universities out there, and even at least a few coed places which kept these time-honored protections for both sexes. I’d encourage people picking out colleges these days to strongly consider them.

    Failing that, at least practice policies like that on your own — first and foremost, seriously consider the suggestions of a few people here and save “it” for marriage.

  31. post-human says

    It’s the same thing with sexual harassment zero tolerance policies in the workplace. You’d have to be insane to socialize with a woman from work these days because you are completely at her mercy if you ever have a falling out. All she has to say is sexual harassment and you will be immediately fired and have your reputation ruined. She will receive every consideration, she will be 100% believed, and you will be told to go away.

  32. Sam says

    What about millennial women’s views on sex? Are they scared into abstinence by rape culture hysteria? Or are they having a totally different experience to men?

  33. icutrauma11 says

    Fathers of this country are the first vestiges to let down men. They give a pass to their “princesses” and hand them whatever they want. They do not teach their daughters their are consequences for their actions(ruining young men lives with false accusations). Fathers should be teaching them to clean their room(no acceptions), helping set the table, throw out the trash, vacuum their room, change the oil or tires on a car. No, that is not ‘your room’, your mother and I made sacrifices to have a safe house in a safe neighborhood. It will be your car when you make the payments and the insurance. These are all principles that build self-esteem and give a belongingness to the family rather than the unit being a tool to feed their popularity and importance of nothing.

    So a woman’s introduction to a man is to give her everything with no expectations of behavior and assuming responsibility. If there’s a single mom, she is guilty of the same thing.

    I work in the health care industry and I consistently treat young ladies(20-40) with the expectation that we “will fix them” with no change of behavior or attitude or responsibility and their parents sit there in angst wanting us to be the parents.

  34. Pingback: Michael Aaron, Laura Kipnis and the False Fear of False Allegations | Rus Funk

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